Basic family units have changed from the ideal “nuclear” family of the 50s with each new generation. Higher rates of divorce, women’s rights movements, and the sexual revolution have all contributed to this change in society. We are seeing more blended families, single parents, and adults who choose not to have children at all. The legalization of same-sex marriage in 2015, and the trans rights movements currently sweeping the country, are still changing the way we are looking at the word “family.” The social institution of the family is definitely in flux as we talked about during week 5 in class by changing how we look at families and defining what that word even means. (Malae, 9/20) My family dynamic changed drastically when I got divorced and I have been trying to figure out how to label my new “family” ever since. When my kids moved out and started their own lives I traded in my car for a smaller compact one that would suit my new lifestyle. My life no longer revolved around dinner times together at home, extra-curricular activities my girls were involved in after school, or being home together at night, but instead my schedule was now my own to keep and adjust as I saw fit.
When life gives you lemons, the only option is not always to make lemonade. I have had to come up with many different adaptive strategies in my life. (Malae, 8/31) My 20 year long marriage was one filled with abuse that left me as a shattered mess of a person with no clue what was holding me together in the end. Through self-care, breathwork, and lots of help, I have slowly been able to uncover the adaptive strategies I used (and some I still use today) that helped guide me onward, and will continue to guide me through my life as I age. Art and music are very powerful and can take me far away. Both run deep in my family and go back many generations and I can feel that everytime I pick up a paintbrush or am inspired while listening to music. All of my tattoos are ones I have drawn and designed myself and they all have a story. Stress and burnout, like discussed in the book about care work (Emily Abel) have been all too real in my life as well as I cared and enabled a now ex-spouse for too long. I continue to care for both of my kids as they have a lot of chronic illnesses that put financial burdens on them that they cannot handle and so I try to help them out when I can financially and emotionally. My adaptive strategies continue to help me today and will continue to help me throughout my life as my kids will always “need me,” and I will hopefully always be there for them in some capacity.
We are constantly told to “stay active” and “stay positive.” (Malae, 9/9) While this may be easy for some, it can be a real challange for others. I am very lucky as I grew up being quite active. I biked everywhere when I was younger as that was the norm in the Netherlands. I own 3 bikes today and use them whenever the weather permits. I tried to raise my kids the same way and they loved to bike and be active when they were younger. Unfortunately, both of them have chronic health problems today that prevent them from staying active and enjoying the outdoors with me now. While active aging can be a great theory for some, the access, cost, and limitations can prevent many from achieving this.
All the accumulated knowledge over our lifetime from schooling, career, and experiences that shape us, can be beneficial for anyone to learn from. (Jovic and McMullin) Education is a social institution that can facilitate more knowledge for me (Malae, 9/18) as I never tire from learning more throughout my lifetime. While I am no longer the “typical” college student, and most of the time am surrounded by many in my class much younger than I am, I am always pleasantly surprised that I learn new things from my fellow pursuers of knowledge and make new relationships along the way.
Role transition refers to the role changes individuals make as they move through different social roles that provide them with different identities. (Malae, 9/4) My kids are 22 and 24 right now and need me less and less it seems. Almost 5 years ago I had a major role transition when I got divorced, and in the years since then, both of my kids have been in and out of my home trying to make it on their own out in the world. I went from caring full-time for 3 “adults” to only having myself to care for and that was a big change as I had forgotten that I needed to also be taken care of. My kids encouraged me to spend time, energy, and money on myself for a change. This was hard at first, as I had not done this in a very long time, but now I am embracing my newfound role as a single empowered individual who diserves fulfillment and enjoyment.
Sources:
Abel, E. K. (2022). Elder care in crisis: How the Social Safety Net Fails Families. New York University Press.
Jovic, E and McMullin, R.A. (2011) Handbook of Sociology of Aging. Learning and Aging. Springer Science+Business Media, CH 15
Malae, K. (2024). Sociology of Aging 375G-001 [PowerPoint Presentation]. Utah Valley University, Canvas.
[Paper written for SOC 375G class UVU Fall 2024]
Amy Brouwer . 2024 . All Rights Reserved
