Cry, The Beloved Country

Cry, The Beloved Country

    There were 3 themes that stood out to me while reading this beautiful novel. The difference in culture between the European settlers and the native population, the extreme poverty of the natives living in South Africa, and the idea that larger cities would provide more opportunities for the native population.

    This novel was written in the 1940s when apartheid was very prominent and separation of the races was ongoing. The train ride that Kumalo takes to Johannesburg was divided depending on your race. Kumalo had to ride in the carriage that was for non-Europeans and would not have been allowed to travel in any other carriage. Mr. Jarvis on the other hand had many options for travel as he was white, rich, and more privileged. During his son’s trial, Kumalo also described how the courts were segregated with seats for the Europeans on one side and the non-Europeans on the other side. As Kumalo made it to Johannesburg he was surrounded by new things that he was not familiar with. His simple life in Natal was completely different from the one he encountered in the big city. So in order to blend in more he watched what others did, and used the things likewise. Kumalo met up with his brother who he believed to be a humble carpenter but in reality John had grown accustomed to the European way of life in Johannesburg and was then a prominent politician instead. He had left the culture he grew up in behind so that could make his way in the big city. John tells his brother that their customs are different here. Kumalo was very much still a native as he even called his family his tribe when he was reunited with his sister Gertrude. The European settlers in Johannesburg treated the natives differently as well as they discussed separation and laws that didn’t seem to work. There was talk about cutting up South Africa where white could live without black. Our natives today produce criminals and prostitutes and drunkards, not because it is their nature to do so, but because their simple system of order and tradition and convention has been destroyed. The differences between the city and the countryside were very extreme and even Kumalo pointed out that he and his wife lived out their lives in innocence, not knowing what their son was going through in the city.  Kumalo also described the ways a chief was now known in the villages. Who would be chief over this desolation? It was a thing the white man had done, knocked the chiefs down, and put them up again, to hold the pieces together. But the white men had taken most of the pieces away. And some chiefs sat with ignorance and blood-shot eyes, rulers of pitiful kingdoms that had no meaning at all. It seemed that culture was easily lost when one left their native home to make a new life in the city.

    Poverty was another prevalent theme that was discussed many times throughout the book. We started out already by seeing an old priest having to use his savings for a trip to Johannesburg. He had to forgo buying a new suit and a stove for his wife for this trip. The province he lived in year by year had less food in reserves as the fields were eroded and barren and too many cattle trampled the grounds. There was no milk to even feed the children and so many of them died because of this. Why is there no milk in Ndotsheni? It is because the people are poor. When he reached the city he saw the poverty in great detail as he was told that he should not take the bus because the black people were on strike to lower the price of their fare back to something more manageable. Many people walked great distances daily and avoided the bus to make their point known to the government. The government also took most of the profits the mines made and they were staffed with natives who worked hard for a very small paycheck each day. Kumalo’s brother John was very vocal when it came to native rights and made many speeches about the injustice of the pay the natives received for the hard work they provided. He simply asked for their fair share as they did the backbreaking labor each day. It is we that must be kept poor so that others may stay rich. When Kumalo arrived back home where he felt more at peace, Mr. Jarvis hired a man to teach the natives how to farm so that they could grow more food and live a better life. There was no reason why this valley should not be what it was before. But it will not happen quickly, not in a day. If God wills, said Kumalo humbly, before I die. For I have lived my life in destruction.

    The scene of poverty is set really well when Paton described the Shanty Towns in great detail in chapter 9. All roads lead to Johannesburg. If there are any problems in your life, just leave them behind and come to Johannesburg. There were no places to live and more and more people came in every day looking for a bed to sleep in, but it’s Johannesburg. Why did we leave the land of our people? There is not much here, but it is better than here. There is not much food there, but it is shared by all together. If all are poor, it is not so bad to be poor.  There was work in Johannesburg, there was gold found which could make you rich. Even Mr. Jarvis moved to Johannesburg to be closer to his daughter in law and grandkids after his wife died and he was left alone. The native villages housed less and less young people as they all wanted to go to the big city in search of something better.

    While the story was fictional, I could still sense the injustices that ran throughout the entire book. Paton described segregation and apartheid in a very poignant way. Reading how the natives were treated as second class citizens in their own country was heartbreaking but a real part of history. I enjoyed reading this classic and learning more about the way life was for those living in South Africa many years ago.

Bibliography: Paton, Alan, Cry, the Beloved Country. New York, C. Scribner’s Sons. 1948
 

[Paper written for HIST 3540 class UVU Summer 2024]

Amy Brouwer . 2024 . All Right Reserved

Comparative Critique Art Paper

Edouard Manet, A Matador, Realism, 1866-67, Oil on Canvas

IDENTIFY & DESCRIBE

This is the first full-length painting done by Edouard Manet in France after he saw bullfighters on a recent trip to Spain. He displayed this painting along with about 20 other Spanish-themed works at a solo exhibition in 1867 in Paris. The painting is now located in the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City.

ANALYZE

The painting has a very nice balance to it. The bullfighter is standing tall and straight and is in the middle of the painting. The hat in the top left and the red cape in the bottom right balance out the piece beautifully. The eye moves effortlessly through the painting starting first with the sincere face of the bullfighter. The features of his face are very pleasant and warm. You then notice the gold inside the cap in his right hand and the way it highlights the direction he is looking in. The eye then moves down towards the soft pink sash around his waist and right down to the bold red of the cape in his left hand. The cape drapes down past his bright white stockings and your eye ends with his black shoes. You notice every detail of his clothing along the way as see how the artist added beautiful and delicate touches. The proportions in the painting are very well done and the overall unity of the piece is exquisite. Nothing seems out of place or like it does not belong there. The bullfighter himself seems an average height and the cape he holds is in proportion with the rest of him, so it looks like it belongs. He seems to be standing in natural light as a shadow is cast behind him. The background fades to the back and so there is no need for immense details there, the bullfighter alone is extremely detailed and so the background can be plain like it is. Manet uses light and dark very well in the background to create dimension. He uses white highlights on the jacket of the bullfighter to create the illusion that the jacket is possibly adorned by shiny beads and gems. His use of color is very nice as the main suit is a soft grey with hints of blue. He adds a blue tie and compliments the ensemble with a soft pink sash. The shoes and hat are a solid black which would be traditional wear but then the inside of the cap has an intense gold coloring to it for some pizzaz. The bright red cape, while also traditional, is an additional pop of color on the opposite side of the painting to again balance out the entire work of art.

INTERPRET

Edouard was fascinated with Spanish art. Since he painted this when he was back in France again after his trip to Spain, he had someone pose for him while he painted what he remembered from his trip. The matador is supposed to be Cayetano Sanz, a famous bullfighter he saw on his trip. Manet was influenced by other artists around this time like Diego Velazquez and Fransisco de Goya. The entire bullfight collection he painted stemmed from seeing “La Tauromaquia” by de Goya. He is quoted as saying: “One of the most beautiful, most curious, and most terrible spectacles one can see is a bull hunt. On my return, I hope to put on canvas the brilliant, flickering, and at the same time dramatic appearance of the corrida I attended.”

JUDGEMENT

I really liked this particular painting. As I was scrolling through all 4 different art collections to find the perfect piece, this one stood out to me. I love its simplicity and how the artist was able to make the bullfighter look like a man who was confident in his abilities. His clothing and appearance are very realistic to the actual bullfighters I have seen on tv or in images. From the beautifully adorned jackets with their hand-sewn sequins, to the finely polished black shoes that he wears. The confidence shown on the bullfighter looks very genuine as he is greeting his audience. He seems to revel in his surrounding him as he stands tall and listens to the roaring crowd ready to see him take action. I love the simplicity of the sfumato background as nothing more is needed. The bullfighter alone is so beautiful already that adding to the background would have distracted from the detail of the man himself. As I researched Edouard Manet, I was impressed to find out that he rubbed shoulders with Monet and Degas.

William Johnson, Cagnes-Sur-Mer, Harlem Renaissance, 1928-29, Oil on Canvas

IDENTIFY & DESCRIBE

This painting was created by African American artist William Johnson while he lived in Paris. Johnson is best known for landscapes and portraits and the way he moved through different styles of painting during his career. “My aim is to express in a natural way what I feel, what is in me, both rhythmically and spiritually, all that which in time has been saved up in my family of primitiveness and tradition, and which is now concentrated in me.” Johnson lived in Denmark and Norway as well as France and painted a lot of the beauty that surrounded him. 60 works of art have been attributed to him and after scrolling through all the available art for this assignment, this one stood out to me.

ANALYZE

Johnson uses his entire canvas brilliantly by leading your eye along the path that starts in the bottom corner all the way to the lone tree on the hill in the top left. He balances the piece out perfectly that way as he tries to keep everything in perspective but has painted the scene as almost viewed through a fish-eye lens which distorts the reality a little. You can clearly make out the homes, streets, and trees, but they are slightly bent to create a more whimsical animated look. Nothing is really out of proportion, and everything seems to fit perfectly like a normal small town in the countryside. The individuals walking the long road into town seem to belong there and don’t look out of place. The warped homes in the small town are all slightly different, which gives a nice variety to an otherwise boring landscape. The coloring has stayed consistent which brings unity to the whole piece. He uses natural light to give the buildings and street shadows to have a more 3D effect as well. His soft use of color gives the painting a dreamy vacation feel and the look of a place you would want to take a walk to. Even though the painting style is a little more animated, it is very recognizable as a small town with trees and bushes and people living there.

INTERPRET

The painting of this idyllic town in the French Riviera is a scene that has been painted many times by many different artists and yet they are all so different. Johnson actually painted this scene multiple times as he lived in that town and each time it has been different. He enjoyed living there and is quoted as saying: “Here the sun is everything… I am not afraid to exaggerate a contour, a form, or anything that gives more character and movement to the canvas.” To be able to paint what he saw but add his own twist makes him progressive in my mind, he was not afraid to make his work his own. He took in images of a beautiful, picturesque fishing village and added his own modern touch to it. He created his own style of painting by adding some futurism and expressionism to his work.

JUDGEMENT

The reason I chose this painting over all the other ones that were available (and I scrolled through them all until this one finally caught my eye) is that the scene is familiar to me. I grew up in Europe and scenes such as these remind me of summer vacations. Walking along paths that lead to small towns in the countryside, simply adorable homes on the side of the road, the smell of the ocean not far away. The added whimsy to the painting is what makes me smile. The distorted homes with the gentile curves and the animated feeling of the whole painting. I am reminded of a simple life away from the hustle and bustle, the chaos that is all around us, and how easy it would be to get lost there and to not have a care in the world. The simple colors that he used create a calming effect with the light touches of orange to compliment the blue sky and ocean in the distance. This is a place I would love to visit and get lost in.

 

COMPARISON:

COMPARATIVE IDENTIFICATION/DESCRIPTION

These 2 paintings were created by 2 different artists who saw the world completely differently. One is realism and could easily be a photograph with the amount of detail the artist put into his work, and the other is a skewed version of reality and with more loose brushstrokes. Both works of art were created with passion as both artists really enjoyed the type of art they put out. The matador was an obsession of Manet and so he painted anything related to this with passion. Johnson lived in a beautiful small fishing village and so his landscape art was influenced by the beauty he saw around him each day. They both used the same medium of Oil on canvas even though Johnson had painted this particular scene before but on burlap before. He painted the scenery around his home often and each time it was slightly different. The colors of both paintings are muted and not too vivid and bright.

COMPARATIVE ANALYSIS

Both pieces of art are beautifully balanced but in two different ways. The landscape scene covers the entire painting nicely while the matador is just a single figure that still looks balanced in its space. My eye moves seamlessly through both paintings as both artists add small details that keep you enthralled and looking for more. The small pops of color in the Matador and the 2 figures walking along the road in the landscape both make me want to explore more of each of the paintings. The colors in both paintings are soft and muted which is probably what attracted me to them in the first place. The lighting as well in both pieces is done beautifully to make the matador look realistic and the landscape look dreamy.

COMPARATIVE INTERPRETATION

Both these pieces are very different when it comes to their interpretation. The Matador piece to me shows power, sophistication, and grandeur while the landscape is softer, muted, and simple. The portrait is perfect in the sense that the artist wanted to convey the awesomeness of this matador in all his glory, and he totally achieved that. Landscapes are supposed to be calming and so Johnson achieved that in this painting even with his whimsical skewed view of the city.

COMPARATIVE JUDGEMENT

The complexity and amount of detail put into the Matador is amazing and brilliant. The tiniest details were not overlooked as you can tell that Manet put everything into this painting. You can see just by looking at it that he was very passionate about this subject matter and that makes it even more pleasing to look at. The simplicity of the landscape by Johnson is what draws my eye. The relaxing notion that I am seeing a small town far away from trouble and stress is what draws me in and wants me to hang this on my wall. I am one that looks outside of the box and so the distorted fish-eye view attracts me to it more. I am a minimalist with a small number of things in my home, but I could possibly find a place on my wall to hang this. It evokes strong emotions in me and brings me back to my childhood when life was simpler and meant more.

 

SOURCES:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dead_Man_(Manet)

https://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/mane/hd_mane.htm

http://www.artnet.com/artists/william-henry-johnson/

https://www.nysun.com/arts/unpolished-expression/88627/

https://emuseum.mfah.org/objects/49444/cagnessurmer;jsessionid=D466ADDA225242F68B04A5AAA47F6B77

[Paper written for ART 1010 class UVU Spring 2021] 

Amy Brouwer . 2024 . All Right Reserved 

How Not To Die

How Not To Die: Discover The Foods Scientifically Proven To Prevent And Reverse Disease. Greger, M. & Stone, G. (2015)

    I have always had a fascination with food. I suffer from an eating disorder and was severely overweight for about 13 years. I have lost about 100 pounds since 2013 but I still have a very bad relationship with food. I have seen every documentary out there related to food and have read hundreds of books and so when I saw I could do a book report I was ecstatic. I found this particular book and had not read it so I listened to it while working. The author, Michael Greger M.D. is a physician, an internationally recognized lecturer, and founder of nutritionfacts.org and seems to be very qualified to write about this particular topic. He uses a lot of personal content in the book that shows his passion for this particular subject. Like I mentioned before I have seen all the documentaries and have tried eating vegan, vegetarian, keto, and all the other dieting/living ways out there but I am tired of not knowing what to do permanently, so reading this book has helped me to finally figure it out. 

    This book is very well written as it covers a wide variety of topics. It covers everything from heart attacks to diabetes to cancers. It also covers how we can prevent those diseases that are so prevalent in the United States by eating a whole grain plant-based diet. Besides disease, this book also covers all the different foods that are available to us and the good and bad uses of them. The book goes very in-depth and discusses some very sensitive but necessary topics as well. If you are not taking care of yourself or your health this book could be an eye-opener and a hard pill to swallow at the same time. The first 15 chapters of the book cover a wide array of diseases that plague us here in the United States that could be prevented by changing the way we eat. Another 11 chapters cover loads of different foods and how we can use them in our daily life. There is also a short chapter on exercise and a chapter where the author gives us the ultimate 12 things that we should consume on a daily basis. I won’t write about each disease individually but instead, I will summarize the types of diseases he mentions in a few paragraphs instead. 

    The first few diseases that he covers are heart disease, lung disease, and brain disease. Each of these has its own chapter and he adds a personal touch to each of the chapters. The worst death he ever witnessed as a doctor was seeing someone die because they just couldn’t breathe anymore. He had a patient who was suffering from lung cancer and he remembers feeling helpless as he watched his patient die. His grandma passed away from brain disease, also known as dementia. He explains how a lot of people could live longer and not die from any of these horrible diseases if they just changed their diet a little. 

    Digestive cancers, infections, diabetes, and high blood pressure are the next few chapters in the book. The amount of people diagnosed with diabetes rises each year and people are being diagnosed younger and younger. We have a food epidemic on our hands here in the United States and it seems to get worse each year. Diabetes is closely related to food and the types of food we put in our bodies. I have a sister-in-law who was diagnosed with diabetes after being morbidly obese for years. I can see how much it affects her life but she has no desire to change the way she eats. She just takes medication after medication to hide the symptoms that so easily could be treated by changing a few of her eating habits. Many people are on high blood pressure pills and will be for the rest of their lives unless they change the way they eat. 5 million years are lost each year to digestive cancers as well. 

    Liver diseases, blood cancers, and kidney diseases are also preventable if we just watch what we put inside of our bodies. Not only can food have the power to slow cancers it can also reverse some cancers. The author has many stories in his book that describe actual patients that have either gotten better all the way or extended their lives by many years just by changing what they eat daily. Our bodies are capable of so much and we give them way too little credit. 

    The chapter on breast cancer had me paying extra special attention. My grandmother died from breast cancer and so did her sisters. I know breast cancer is in my family line and so I need to be extra careful that I also don’t get it. My mom has had a few scares and has changed some of her eating habits to improve her odds of not contracting breast cancer. I am 45 and went for my first mammogram this year (I know I had put it off way too long, I think it scared me and so I figured if I would ignore it, it would go away.) I received my results and got a bi-rads level 2 on a scale of 1-4. If you get a level 1 your mammogram is normal and nothing to report, a 2 shows benign starts, a 3 is the beginning of questionable findings, and a 4 is suspicious anomalies. Receiving a 2 scared me more than the mammogram itself and has put me back on the road I have been teetering on for years. I do really good with my eating and then I give up and indulge for a long period. It was time for me to be serious again about my health and really stick to my changes for good. I have given up aspartame (diet soda, all soda for that matter) and am eating a whole grain plant-based diet again and I can already feel the changes in my body. 

    The next chapter talked about suicidal depression and the effects food can have on your mood. I had never thought about depression and food together before but I can see the correlation after reading this book. Food can make us happy or sad and can trigger different chemicals in our brains. 

    Prostate cancers, Parkinson’s disease, and dying from seeing the doctor are the last 3 chapters of part 1. I thought it was really interesting that he included going to the doctor as a form of dying. We all know doctors like to prescribe medicine and rarely treat symptoms but rather cover it up with medicine. If doctors were taught to teach nutrition more then maybe they could help patients live a healthier life without stuffing them full of pills that will eventually get them to an earlier grave. The author’s dad suffered from Parkinson’s disease and so he was able to relate personal stories about seeing his dad succumb to this awful disease that has no cure. 

    He starts part 2 of his book by listing his daily dozen. This list has 12 things on it you should consume daily in order to stay healthy. I really enjoyed this chapter and still, I find it a little overwhelming to think of all the things I need to cram into one day worth of food. I know this will take baby steps and practice until I can master the daily dozen as he does. As part of his daily dozen you need to consume the following: 

3 servings of beans, 1 serving of berries, 3 servings of other fruits, 1 serving of cruciferous vegetables, 2 servings of other greens, 2 servings of other vegetables, 1 serving of flaxseed, 1 serving of nuts, 1 serving of spices, 3 servings of whole grains, 5 glasses of beverage, and 1 serving of exercise. 

I can only imagine this taking me a long time to figure out how to get it all done, but I have a good start on what to consume daily now. 

    Part 2 then dives into the actual foods we can consume and which ones are better for us than others. It covers beans, berries, other fruits, cruciferous vegetables, greens, other vegetables, flaxseeds, nuts and seeds, herbs and spices, and whole grains. Even though these all sound healthy some are more beneficial than others and some don’t have any nutritional value and are better left alone. He talks about his favorite fruits and vegetable and how he combines them to make whole meals. After he goes through every chapter covering each individual food item I felt a little more like I could make the change to a whole grain plant-based diet. 

    He has an entire topic on beverages which I found very useful as I drink a lot of water but would like a little variety sometimes. I already knew that aspartame causes cancers and so I always check the labels to make sure that I don’t buy a drink that has aspartame in it. (You’d be surprised how many beverages it is found in.) He goes through the health benefits of certain coffees and teas (not all are created equal) and he gives you ideas on how to spice up your water without distracting you from the nutritional benefits. 

    The last chapter he covers is exercise. I have read a lot on exercise and everyone will give you a different take on how much and how long is beneficial. We all know walking is good for us and we need to get at least 10,000 steps, but do we? He explains that after 7,000 there really are no extra benefits. He explains what other things we can do in addition to the 7,000 steps to get our body strong and healthy. In 2013 I started running (I don’t know if it was called running what I was attempting at over 300 pounds.) and started to lose weight. As soon as I added dietary changes the weight really came off and now I can say that I have lost almost 100 pounds. About 20 of those pounds keep coming back and then I lose them again, it is a battle with food that is keeping these stubborn 20 pounds around longer than necessary. 

    I loved reading this book, it gave me the push to be healthier again. I have been on and off the bandwagon many many times and I am sure I will fall off again at some point, but for now, I have the motivation needed to make some major changes in my life. In the past, I have tried without success many times to change my lifestyle but was always shot down by the rest of my family who was content eating junk and processed foods. I have tried eating vegan and vegetarian with lots of protests and laughter from my ex-husband. My life is completely different now as I am single and my kids are grown and so I only cook for myself. I can now dictate what I eat and don’t eat without scrutiny from others. I have learned to also keep my opinion of food to myself in my workplace as I would have co-workers also laugh at me for my choices. I don’t think a lot of people are ready to change their lives drastically and so we are only slowly seeing more vegan places pop up and more meat alternatives show up in the grocery stores. We are behind here in America as Europe has already embraced plant-based foods and people there eat many meat-free meals a week. It is easier to eat healthier as the grocery stores there are stocked with great alternatives and the restaurants are offering many other options besides meat. I know we will get there and I am excited to get a head start here in the United States. Maybe I will share my beliefs with others if I see that they can benefit from my knowledge.

[Paper written for HLTH 1100 class UVU Summer 2021]

Amy Brouwer . 2024 . All Right Reserved

Buster Keaton

Buster Keaton and Film

 
   “The inventor and the essence of cinema” is the renowned Buster Keaton according to most of today's great directors. Born in 1895 to parents who were in the entertainment industry, Buster learned this art form early and started a career that lasted a lifetime. Because of his great talent and ability to keep a stone-cold face while performing, he is hailed as one of the greatest comic actors of all time. He used a lot of new techniques when it comes to film that are still being used today. Never wanting to fake a gag, he made sure to perfect being the master at creating his own stunts even when they seemed impossible. Because of his innovative approach to pushing the boundaries when it came to safety, we have the stunt industry we have today with remarkable feats never imagined before. 

    “Films can take us to new worlds that are open to no other form of art.” (Sporre 164) Buster Keaton was born to be a silent movie comedian. His big eyes, blank expression, and quiet tragedy are what make him an unforgettable actor in his time. At 11 months old he wandered onto the stage his parents were performing on and the audience thought he was part of the show. By 4 years old he was the youngest star ever to perform alongside his parents. The act was called the 3 Keatons and it became the most famous act in Vaudeville. Buster's dad taught him how to take a fall which would eventually become one of his signature moves. At age 21 he moved to New York to make it on his own. This is where he fell in love with two-reel comedies that he would come to perform in. He performed in narrative short films as well as full length narrative films. 

    Buster would write, direct, and star in 10 feature films in the 20s. These films would become the highlight of his career. As the director, he would convert the mise-en-scene from a 3D space into a 2D space on film. He liked to be spontaneous and so he would rarely work off a script. He would come up with the beginning of the story and the end and let the middle just come as he went along. He had to visualize everything from the background, the props, the camera angles, the lighting, to the placement of each individual in the scene. As an actor he had incredible control of his body and so he would perform all of his own stunts. He was his own special effects in the movies. He wrote, directed, and acted in countless two-reel shorts as well as his feature films. His first short story that he released was “One Week” in which he puts together a prefab house in the wrong order and then attempts to move the disaster house to its location. Without words being said you can follow along with the comedic and tragic way he pulls you in and makes you laugh and cry for him. One of the best stunts he is famous for is from Steamboat Bill Jr. where he would let the facade of a house fall over the top of him while he was standing perfectly still. This particular scene has been performed by countless actors in hundreds of movies since then. He was an amazingly talented actor and was able to bring a lot of other skills into his acting as well. There is a pool playing sequence in Sherlock Jr. that he does without any editing or stunt work as he is an amazing pool player that can make all the trick shots shown in that scene. 

    The way he would set up the scenes in his movies was brilliant. He created an entire single-shot scene where he is in a small boat on the water trying to shoot a duck. The camera stays still while he performs the entire scene without editing or cutting away. Another shot done completely in one scene was when he actually broke his neck and did not realize it until years later. He jumps from a train and holds on to a water pipe that shoots forth a huge amount of water that makes him drop onto the tracks. This is where he broke his neck and didn’t realize it because he was trying to film the entire sequence in one shot to create a master shot. 

    As a director and writer, he knew what he wanted his films to look like and so he was able to edit the films to his liking. In his movie the Navigator, he uses crosscutting to go between two different scenes where the two main actors are trying to find each other on a large ship. Then finally he uses a farther away establishing shot as they meet. His best editing work is probably in the dream sequence in Sherlock Jr. as he falls asleep and dreams he is actually in the movie itself. The camera is further back from a subjective viewpoint so you really feel like you are an audience member in the scene. His editing and cutting between scenes are brilliantly done as he jumps cuts from one scene to the next. 

    1928 is the final year for silent films and by then Buster Keaton has made 10 feature films that will be remembered for a long time. His acting style with his brilliant stone-cold face inspired many actors in their roles as they became some of the greats we know today. The legacy he has left behind truly makes him “the inventor and the essence of cinema” (26:26 The Great Buster: A Celebration) and we remember him as one the greatest comics film has ever seen. His ingenious stunt work without regard for his own safety has paved the way for the actors today to go above and beyond when it comes to dangerous scenes. Many actors now have stunt doubles to perform the vastly dangerous stunts in film, but some prefer to experience it the way Buster did, by braving it and doing it themselves, thus paying homage to the great comedian who started it all so long ago.

[Paper written for HUM 1010 class UVU Spring 2022]

Amy Brouwer . 2024 . All Right Reserved

Frank Lloyd Wright

Frank Lloyd Wright Home And Studio

Frank Lloyd Wright built a home and studio in Illinois that he worked and lived in. When the home was originally designed and built it was very unique. Today, more designers and architects have been inspired by Frank Lloyd Wright’s genius and so the modern design that was so new in 1889 is recreated and reimagined all over the world. His brilliant thinking combined with his wanting to create something new and iconic has defined architecture and design for generations. 

As a self-proclaimed genius, Frank Lloyd Wright really was not really inspired by a certain decade or artist that came before him. He does admit to three influences that helped shape him and his career. He loved the geometric Froebel kindergarten toys he grew up with, his early mentor Louis Henri Sullivan, and Japanese woodblock prints. His fascination with the Japanese culture and their woodblock prints is what helped inspire his amazing designs as he became an avid collector of the prints throughout his life. Wright knew he wanted to be an architect and would work for Sullivan who would become his mentor for 6 years. He built his own home while learning all the ins and outs of architecture and eventually went out on his own. He opened his own office and for the next 16 years, he would hone his skills and create his first style which would be named the Prairie style. 

His architecture and design style would evolve over the years. With the Prairie style being a big success he would change his style as the depression was in full swing and people needed more affordable homes. Wright came up with a new simplistic design that was more affordable and still enjoyable, it would be named his Usonian style. He would continue this style for the rest of his career as he would be able to design very diverse buildings this way. This home in Illinois was the first home he ever built. He purchased the land at age 22 and with a loan of $5000 from his employer and mentor he set out to design and build this dream home. 

One of the artistic elements that are very visible in Frank Lloyd Wright’s designs is line. He uses a lot of straight lines in his Prairie and Usonian styles. The modern look of this house is attributed to the straight lines inside and on the outside of the home. When Wright would design a home he would bring the same elements that were on the outside into the home as well. He would keep the entire look cohesive and flowing. Wright would also design the furniture to match the whole aesthetic and vibe of the home as well. The many windows that he would design into the home would be lead-lined to continue the modern straight line look. 

The second artistic element visible in homes designed by Frank Lloyd Wright is texture. His use of making the design seamlessly flow with its surroundings is a feat in and of itself. He uses the location of where the building will be built to his advantage as he streamlines the design with his organic approach to architecture. This home was built without doors on the inside to create an open floorplan and feel more like it is one with the outside as well. He remodeled this home many times over the years to accommodate his growing family. The original home was rather small and so in 1895 he enlarged the kitchen and dining room and added a playroom. In 1898 he added a studio to be his home office where he could work and design for years to come. In 1974 the home was given to the National Trust for Historic Preservation which began 13-year long preservation to bring it back to its original glory. In 1976 it was declared a National Historic Landmark. The modern-looking home was considered cutting edge for its time and fits perfectly into the landscape and does not stand out as an eyesore. Wright also loves to use concrete and reinforced steel as some of his basic building materials which also add another layer of texture to the overall look and feel of the building. 

Frank Lloyd Wright is considered to be one of the most influential architects in America. His amazing eye for design and creating outside of the norm is what people love about him. He uses the environment where his buildings will be built to his advantage and creates amazing works of art out of simple building materials. His love of Japanese culture and design is seen in his art as he tries to make sure to integrate function with beauty. 

Sources used: 

https://flwright.org/visit/homeandstudio 

https://franklloydwright.org/frank-lloyd-wright/ 

Dennis J Sporre, Reality Through The Arts

[Paper written for ART 1010 class UVU Summer 2021]

Amy Brouwer . 2024 . All Right Reserved

Facebook

  

 “In little more than a decade, a formless entity called the internet, whose organization and governance remain a mystery to most of its users, became a player in countless contemporary social transactions. In exploring its possibilities, millions of people began to alter not only the architecture of the internet but also, in diverse ways, their own preconceptions of what it means to belong to social units such as the family, community, workplace, firm or nation.” Pg 16 - Sheila Jasanoff - States of knowledge (week 3 reading) 

    Facebook is a social networking site created in 2004 by Mark Zuckerberg and 4 other individuals while they were students at Harvard University. Facebook was initially invented as a “whose hotter” website and thus was quickly shut down by Harvard University while Mark Zuckerberg faced possible suspension. He changed his thinking and decided instead to create a place where Harvard students could interact with each other online. Facebook soon expanded to other universities such as Yale, Columbia, and Stanford. In 2006, the Facebook creators decided to allow anyone to be part of this new social media site over the age of 13. Mark Zuckerberg expanded his company over the years by adding Instagram, Threads, and Whatsapp to his ever growing social media empire. Facebook was not the first social media platform as Six Degrees was created in 1997 and Myspace in 2003, it is however the most popular one that is still around today and boasts having more than 3 billion active users each month. 

    I grew up in Europe and a lot of my family still lives there. I also have all of my mothers side of the family that live in Australia. Travel to Europe and Australia is expensive and so I do not see my family and friends often. I remember getting birthday cards from my grandparents in Australia and letters from my parents when I lived in Finland and they were in America. The mail would take about 2 weeks to reach me and then I was able to send something back and even include a picture or two if I wanted to after I had printed them out. When Email became more popular I got my very first email address in 1998. I was able to now send letters a lot faster and did not need to wait weeks to hear back. I had to know my family and friends email addresses and could only communicate with them if they had signed up for email as well. I remember setting up a Myspace account when that became available and soon I found a few friends that I had lost contact with over the years. When Facebook became popular I already had 2 kids and they were 6 and 4 years old. I was now able to share news about my little family in America with my friends and family far away. They were able to see updates and pictures all over the world no matter where they were. 

    Over the years I have found friends I lost contact with and have been able to connect with family that lives far away and even some that I have never met. My kids, now 23 and 21, each have all the social media apps and use them daily. They have Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, Reddit, Twitter (now X), Pinterest, Linkedin, Youtube, Twitch, and much more. I can see how their lives revolve around the use of social media to stay up to date with the latest trends/fads and to make sure everyone knows about their lives as well. Countless hours are spent online now instead of outside or communicating with real living breathing individuals. In today's society kids are given smartphones with access to social media before they are even old enough to sign up for the sites themselves. They are learning about the world's expectations of them from celebrities and influencers instead of their parents, siblings, family members, or teachers at school. As I have gotten older I have enjoyed keeping in contact with my friends and family far away but have found it less necessary to post everything that happens in my life. I log on to my Facebook account seldomly and only to see if anything new has happened to those that I don’t see on a regular basis. (Except during this class as I now log in multiple times a week to look at my community) Last July I deleted my other social media accounts that I signed up for a long time ago and only kept Facebook as it lets me keep in touch with my family and friends in Europe and Australia. At first I missed the constant knowledge of knowing what my friends and kids were up to, but over time I realized that I could actually talk to them instead of looking at their social media pages. 

    I am glad that social media sites such as Facebook have a set of norms, values, and expectations that all users need to adhere to. Your posts can be removed and you can be kicked off the platform if you do not adhere to these social standards. To be a part of many online groups you may need to acknowledge that you are willing to abide by the norms and values of that particular community to be a part of it. Just like with any other society there need to be expectations so that everyone knows what the “rules” are and that they can choose to follow them or look for a different community that caters a little better to them instead.

[Paper written for SOC 3690 class UVU Spring 2024]

Amy Brouwer . 2024 . All Right Reserved

Examining Deconversion : The positive and negative effects of leaving Mormonism and how it impacts the relationship with yourself and others.

Examining Deconversion : The positive and negative effects of leaving Mormonism and how it
impacts the relationship with yourself and others.

Introduction

Inside the Mormon faith those who leave it are labeled as apostates, lazy learners, or quitters. What many active Mormon church members don’t realize is that most people who leave take a long time to think about it all and don’t make this decision lightly. Growing up in a Mormon household and community usually means all your neighbors, friends, and acquaintances are all part of your same religion or ward family, especially if you live in Utah. According to a landscape study done by Pew research, 55% of adults in Utah are Mormon and so the possibility that most of your neighbors identify like that as well is quite high. (Pew 2015) Being a member of the Mormon church instantly gives you a community that you might not have anymore once you decide to leave. Many members go to Sunday services and then other church related activities throughout the week. They are paired up with other members and will visit active and less active members in their community to make sure they are taken care of. Being a Mormon means more than just saying your prayers and attending church on Sunday, it is a way of life that is often very foreign to those outside of the religion. According to a Pew Research study done in 2016, among all Christian religious traditions in the U.S. Mormons are among the most highly involved in their congregations (67%). This is based on membership in a congregation, frequency of attendance at worship services and frequency of attendance at small group religious activities. (Sandstrom 2016) Because of this fact I wanted to see what the positive and negative effects were for those that chose to leave Mormonism and how their relationship with themself and others changed after that. In this paper I will try to describe that the data I collected shows that there are many positive effects when it comes to self love (relationship with yourself) but also negative effects when it comes to relationships with others after you leave the Mormon faith.

If you look back on how the Mormon church started you will read a lot about how close the members were to each other and how they lived a sort of communal way of life. They took care of each other and helped out as they moved from place to place until they finally ended up settling in Utah. In 1846 the Mormons left Nauvoo and started the trek out west. Around 12,000 people would walk across the plains and leave all their belongings behind to be a part of a new “zion” that promised religious freedom. Once in Utah they stuck close together as they helped build each other's homes and took care of those around them. That time really solidified the Mormon attitudes, practices, and cultural habits we still see today. In order to be a part of this community and culture you need to be a member of the church in good standing which means adherence to strict rules and regulations. According to Robert M. Bowman Jr. in addition to living a morally exemplary life (a fine goal, but one that few people can claim to achieve), one must be baptized into the Mormon Church, participate regularly in church meetings and temple work, and observe all of the church’s rules governing sabbath observance, fasting, tithing and even diet. Most Mormons cannot honestly claim to have reached these goals and are probably unsure if they ever will. (Bowman 2012) Most members, myself included, were taught this from an early age and had it reinforced to them throughout their years growing up. Sunday school lessons would focus on this, bishop worthiness interviews would reiterate it, and weekly family home evenings would remind you of the life you were to live in order to be a good part of the Mormon church. I lived, breathed, spoke and thought Mormonism for 46 years as that was what was expected of me and drilled into my head weekly if not daily.

With the many misconceptions today by active members of the Mormon faith, asking the questions about the effects of leaving Mormonism can hopefully shed some light on the subject and reveal real heartfelt answers and explanations that can be beneficial to both sides. While there is a lot of research about religion and conversion out there, when it comes to deconversion it is a little harder to find previous research especially in the Mormon/Ex-Mormon communities. Having an insight into the minds of a small number of Ex-Mormons can hopefully help and ignite other research on the topic. According to Heinze Streib, “Religious change was an important theme in the psychology of religion from its beginning with a focus on conversion, but with the emergence of new religious movements and the recent growth of religious unaffiliation, religious exiting and deconversion received growing attention.” (Streib 2009) My research on this topic and the analysis of the data I was able to collect hopefully will help answer some questions that may not have been asked yet and will add to a growing research topic that is relevant in today’s society.

Literary Review

I started my research by looking into deconversion and what other studies have been done. Searching for studies done about deconversion and the Mormon faith was a lot harder than just looking for studies done on deconversion in general. I wonder if this is because the dominant religion in Utah is Mormonism and not many people are willing to go into details on why they left. This could still be a sore topic at home or around friends and family making it harder to answer truthfully and be open. I found a few very interesting and noteworthy articles that gave me more insight into deconversion, how people become atheist, and why religion is in decline.

Pew Research studies have always been a great way to see data on many topics and since religion has been a fascination to me for a while I have read many of their studies. For this research project I chose to focus on two of their studies. The first one is from 2016 and gives us a broad overview of Mormonism while highlighting some of the main facts about the church. The study indicates that family and gender roles are really important for members and that many of them see “being a good parent” as their highest life goal. The study also highlights that Mormons are the most highly involved in their congregations which is a very important fact for my study as well. I was able to gather some great data for my paper from this particular study. The second Pew research study I included is from 2022 and focuses on the future of religion in America. This study was also very fascinating to me as it also pertains to my topic of research and it is something I personally have witnessed happening over the years. Since the 1990s, large numbers of Americans have left Christianity to join the growing ranks of U.S. adults who describe their religious identity as atheist, agnostic or “nothing in particular.” (Pew 2022) The reason I chose my topic of leaving the Mormon church was because I could see this trend happening and I wanted to see if others had similar reasons such as mine to abandon their faith they had practiced for many years. The study states that most people leave or switch religions between the ages of 15 and 29 but I have found that I was able to have a much more diverse number in my study. While many of the participants in my survey do fall into that age range, about half were in the 30 to 65 range instead. Disaffiliation was a big topic in this Pew research and almost all of my participants left the Mormon church because of that same reason.

In order to write a good research paper about Mormonism I needed to make sure that I knew the ins and outs of the religion. I was raised Mormon and lived as an active member for 46 years. I believe that I have a lot of knowledge when it comes to the church and its teachings as I was heavily involved the entire time, but I still wanted to look at outside sources to see what they thought Mormons believed. I found an article by Robert M. Bowman where he quotes a lot from the Gospel Doctrine book that is used inside Mormonism. I have studied and read that book myself many times and so I was already familiar with all the ideas inside. I was able to find some parts useful for my research as it explains in detail how Mormons should live and all that is expected of them as good members of the church. The expectations set for all members can be daunting and even extreme for some as you are supposed to give up your life in a sense for the building up of the Kingdom of God. Rules, regulations and expectations are outlined and seen as something you must do in order to stay in God’s good graces. Not living up to the expectations set for you can result in disciplinary action or expulsion on some occasions.

Another great source I found was when I was searching for journals/books on deconversion. Heinze Streib is a German professor of religion and has contributed to many studies about this topic. His paper on deconversion is full of amazing material that sheds light on the process and why people leave or switch religions. Deconversion implies loss of formerly meaningful religious experience, of embeddedness in one’s former community, criticism and doubt regarding formerly appreciated beliefs, rituals, and prescriptions, and, finally, disaffiliation from a community (Streib 2009) In his study on deconversion Streib looks at many different aspects including well-being, prejudice, values, and attachments. I found the following about well-being important as I saw similar results in the analysis of my own data. The evaluation of in-depth interviews with 24 exiters from fundamentalism in the USA indicates that well-being enhanced with deconversion; and the author concludes that freedom from religious conformity, new secular relationships with mutual emotional exchanges, an enhanced sense of autonomy, and personal freedom may have contributed to their greater well-being as well. (Streib 2009)

The next study I found takes a deep dive into the emotional toll people take when they decide to step away from Mormonism. J Todd Ormsbee looked at what a person all must go through before they get to the stage where they decide to actually leave. High-cost religions tend to have much tighter communal bonds, regulations, and social obligations, potentially making both joining and leaving more difficult.(Ormsbee 2020) For his research he joined two closed online groups of questioning and doubting Mormons and followed, investigated, and talked with them for years to get the research he needed for his study. It actually took him four years of building relationships of trust before he was able to talk personally with individuals about their decisions and questions as they were afraid to open up completely about their doubts and insecurities. After a careful and long study he explained the pivotal moments in his participants' lives that slowly added up until they no longer could justify them or push them to the side. Emotions were a big part of his study as he could see the participants struggle to make sense of their predicaments. I concluded that inasmuch as Mormonism had shaped their emotionalities, it therefore also necessitated a reconstitution of emotions as part of the leaving process.(Ormsbee 2020)

Sergio Perez and Frédérique Vallières wrote a fascinating article discussing how religious people become atheists. Since many of my participants also followed that same path and no longer see themselves as spiritual or religious, I thought this would be a good research to look at. They describe religiousness or religiosity, as the quality or state of being religious, can be commonly understood as a personal belief in God/gods/a higher power, institutional practices (e.g. Sunday mass), and commitment to organized religion.(Perez 2019) One of the parts from their research that really stood out to me was the fact that many people who leave a religion do so because they feel compelled to find answers to all their religious questions. Commitment to truth and integrity stems from religious training itself. This means that successful religious training would instill students with a drive to seek truth and integrity to such an extent that they would also assess the truthfulness of their own religion, should they detect any issues within their belief system.(Perez 2019) This part of the research was very validating to me as I felt the need to find answers to my questions as I was doubting and I knew to study to find reliable answers and not just take someone else’s word for it from my religion. The Lord taught that we should “seek learning, even by study and also by faith” as we can read in Doctrine & Covenants 88:118. (Seek 2004) This scripture was repeated over and over my entire Mormon life but I did not feel I could follow its advice until I was ready to start my deconversion.

Data Collection

I decided to create a survey that would be self administered. I created 11 questions regarding the person's upbringing, family dynamic, and views on religion. I then added 5 more questions for demographic purposes. I was able to gather data from 40 individuals who chose to voluntarily participate in my survey. All participants are no longer associated with the Mormon church but were at one point a member. I was able to receive these 40 self administered surveys through an advertisement I placed on an ex-Mormon facebook page I belong to and I was also able to get some surveys back from co-workers who expressed interest in my paper and wanted to be able to participate as well.

After being a member of the Mormon church for 46 years myself I wanted to find out if other Ex-Mormons had similar experiences as me after leaving this high demand religion. I found many positive and negative effects in my life after my deconversion and it made me curious as to other people's thoughts and feelings on the same topic. In order for me to come up with some good answers to my questions I knew I needed questions that people were not afraid to answer. They needed to be broad enough to build a base line but also in depth to draw out the emotions and feelings I could not reconcile. I think I was able to come up with questions that could be answered in a simple way or with a lot of extra explanations. All participants could choose how much they wanted to elaborate and divulge about their feelings.

Summary of all my participants (as a whole)

I was able to receive data from 40 different individuals. I got a good mix of gender with almost half of the participants in the male and the other half in the female category with a few non-binary individuals as well. My age ranges were also very diverse from 18 year olds to 58 and everything in between. It was interesting to see when people left their religion and how long they had been a member. There were participants who were still young when they left and so their involvement with their religion was short while other participants were members for over 30 years and had experienced a lot more within the religion. I myself was an active member for 46 years when I decided to leave the religion and it was interesting to compare my experience to those who left after only a few years in. Another important factor for me was whether the participants were raised in or outside of Utah and I was able to split that almost 50/50 as well. The Mormon culture and religion are quite different depending on where you live. I was raised in Europe and have lived in Oregon, Washington State, Idaho and Utah. I have experienced being a church member differently in each state and country I lived in and so I wanted to see how different the answers were, if any, from those raised inside Utah and those in other places. Half of the participants are married with a good mix of single, divorced, or in a partnership to fill out the other half. And again almost half of the participants self identify as part of the LGBTQ community while the other half identifies as straight/heterosexual. The diversity of my group helped me see this issue from a variety of different sides and hear stories from people in all stages of life. I was really pleased with the amount of diversity I was able to access in all aspects as I think this did the paper more good than harm.

Data Analysis: (by theme)

“Born into” or “Converted”

I wanted to know where my participants were coming from and so I decided to ask if they were born into the religion or if they converted at some point in their life. Another question I asked was how old they were when they decided to leave Mormonism and this way I could see how long they were a member and I could analyze their answers based on that as well.

I thought these were very important questions as the idea about religion can be very different when you grow up only knowing one way to live as opposed to searching, finding and converting to a church later in life. I was born and raised in the Mormon church and as such never knew any other religion besides Mormonism. I never visited other churches, read books about other religions, or wanted to know what else could be out there for me. The participants in my survey were all mainly born into this religion as well with the exception of 7 individuals who converted between the ages of 16 and 38.

I did not leave Mormonism until I was 46 years old. After polling all my participants, they all explained when they left and it ranges between 14 and 58 years of age. I really like that I was able to get such a wide age range as it brings a lot more different stages of life into my research. There were some participants who were only members during their youth and left before more serious commitments were made, and others who checked all the Mormon boxes and served as bishops before leaving. The diverse stages of life helped me to see how different people would leave a religion at different times and because of different reasons.

Family dynamics as a member versus after you left.

I wanted to know where each individual came from religiously, and how their family viewed and participated in that religion. Then in a later question I wanted to know how that had changed over time to what it was today. There were a good mix of families represented here as many came from families where everyone was active and participated in the religion. Some came from split religious households where some were believing and others not so much. The interesting part was that now that they have left Mormonism their family dynamics have also changed. Many of the all active families were now only partially active or had left with the participant together. Out of the 40 individuals only a few still had family members that were very active. Many of the participants went from all active families to partially active or not active at all.

Those that left the church and other family members joined them stated their relationship improved as they were able to work through all of this together. Those who left alone and still had many active family members felt their relationship lacked certain things and made certain members drift apart from each other. A few even went as far as to say they no longer had a relationship with their family since they left the church. I feel for those that had to give up their family as well as their religion and community as that could not have been easy. I was lucky enough to not lose my relationship with my kids. My extended family and I are good but probably not the same as we were when we had more in common. Our topics of conversation are different now as they know my stance on religion or lack thereof. I have super amazing kids that only wanted me to be able to live authentically and so when I had to make the hard decision to leave my religion I grew up in they knew how difficult that was and did not judge me for it. They encouraged me to live authentically and to not be ashamed of who I have always truly been inside. I have one daughter who is still active and one who left the church even before I officially did. They were both raised very active and involved by me until I left when they were in their early 20’s. My youngest daughter left before I did and so my decision to leave never influenced her and my older daughter is still an active participating member in good standing and so my leaving again did not influence her at all.

Memories of growing up inside Mormonism.

I was a member of the Mormon church for 46 years and was born into it. All my memories from when I was younger were mainly church related as my parents were very involved and so a lot of our time was spent at church or running church functions. I wanted to gauge if the other participants of the survey also had good memories from when they were younger and members of the church. For the first 14 to 16 years of my life my memories were rather good and I couldn’t think of any memories that were bad when it came to Mormonism. My memories after that time through adulthood changed slightly as I became more aware of my role in this religion and how I should and should not act. On a scale of 1 to 5 where 1 is bad and 5 is good, most of the participants hovered around the middle with semi-good memories. Only a few had nothing good to say about their childhood as they listed off things such as being pressured, forced, or guilted when it came to their participation in church and its activities.

What does religion mean to you now?

I was very surprised when I read the answers from all the participants about this particular topic. Out of the 40 people I surveyed, 38 of them self-identify as either atheist or agnostic. One participant mentioned that they thought religion was a form of social control. Another mentioned that God is good but organized religion is not. A few said that they believed that community was more important than the religion itself and that they respect those who want to practice a religion but they will never join one again. I find myself in the same boat as most of the participants as I find myself not searching for a higher power or meaning anymore. After leaving a high demand religion such as Mormonism, the breathing room I suddenly hold for myself is very liberating and I don’t feel the need to fill it with anything.

I wanted to see how leaving religion would change the participants' perspectives on life and there was an overwhelming response with the words fantastic, happier, better, more peaceful, more freedom, more honesty, less guilt, less control, and less shame showing up in many of the responses. This was the first question where multiple participants elaborated their answer and gave detailed accounts of how their life had changed for the better. Not a single one of them said they made a mistake by leaving and no one thought their life was worse off than it had been before. Reading the responses to this question from a diverse group of people helped me to validate my own experience after I left the church. It helped me to see that I was not selfish by leaving a high demand religion and that I was not exaggerating when I felt all those same things above that the other participants also mentioned. I really was happier and my life really was more peaceful even if my entire faithful Mormon family felt I was making a mistake by leaving.

Do you miss the Mormon church?

I asked what the participants missed about no longer being a member and what they did not miss. Many of the participants quoted things they missed such as funeral potatoes, boy scouts, activity days, singing in choir, friends, built in friends for their kids and so much more. But as I kept reading I also saw some more serious answers pop up that had also troubled me since I left. The word community kept being repeated over and over in almost everyone’s answer. Almost every single person lost their community when they left the Mormon church. They felt isolated and no longer a part of the neighborhood many had lived in for a long time. They lost friends and family members that all of a sudden were too busy to hang out or even stop for a conversation outside. I was struck with how many participants told me that they missed this community they were once a big part of and now they had no idea how to fill that void. Leaving this high demand religion behind also meant they left behind relationships they had cultivated and grown over years.

Many of the participants also named the same few things they did not miss about Mormonism. Guilt, shame, lies, judgment, and stress were the top answers that were repeated over and over by many participants. Guilt and shame were the top two and were usually associated with sentences such as “judgment of others about my appearance”, “holier than thou attitudes”, “never feeling worthy enough”, “something is wrong with me”, “being told who to be and what to feel”, and “a toxic environment of living up to certain expectations”.

After hearing the things they missed and did not miss I was curious if any of the participants would ever return to the Mormon church. Out of the 40 participants in my study only one clicked the “maybe” button while a resounding no came from the 39 other participants as they all had no desire to ever return. When I was younger I remember always being told that if someone left Mormonism they would always return sometime in their lifetime. I remember a quote from Gordon B. Hinckley (1995), a past Mormon prophet, who said, "I leave my blessing upon you. May there be … a sense of security and peace and love among your children, precious children every one of them, even those who may have strayed. I hope you don’t lose patience with them; I hope you go on praying for them, and I don’t hesitate to promise that if you do, the Lord will touch their hearts and bring them back to you with love and respect and appreciation.” As I would see friends or acquaintances leave the church this would be quoted to me over and over so much so that I even believed it. I would quote this same phrase to others as I got older and truly believed that their loved ones would one day come back. Now that I have left myself I see that there is almost no chance of that happening. Once you lose your faith in the things you once held dear, it is really hard to come to terms with them and sweep them under the rug so that you can once again sit in the pew on Sunday to listen to words and promises that no longer hold any value in your life. Realizing that I am the creator of my future and that no one can tell me what boxes to check or I will go to hell is a liberating feeling that I can never deny. I don’t think I will ever be able to feel peace and acceptance in a church that does not accept my LGBTQ status, or my status as a woman.

Conclusion of analysis

After analyzing all the data and reading over all the responses carefully I have come to the conclusion that for the 40 people I surveyed their lives and relationships with themselves have improved since leaving a high demand religion such as Mormonism behind. The loss of guilt, shame, judgment, and rules have helped all of them achieve more happiness and meaning in their lives. Freedom to make their own choices, time to spend with their family doing things they truly want to do, having meaningful guiltless conversations about life and sexuality, not having to conform to a narrow minded view of reality, and so much more. It is my conclusion that leaving Mormonism behind has made a significant impact on how the participants view and love themselves and others around them with the only negative being that they now need to search for a new community to call their own where they are not judged on anything but who they truly are as human beings. The positive and negative effects for those that chose to leave Mormonism redefined their relationships with themselves and those around them. Leaving a high demand religion such as Mormonism behind has made them have to evaluate their lives and the relationships within it. Because Mormonism is a high demand religion, the journey through deconstruction is long and painful for most. You are not just leaving behind a religion, you are also leaving behind a way of life, a community, family, friends, and so much more. The question then could become, after everything is said and done, has the pain and discomfort of deconstruction made your life better even if it meant giving up things and people you love so that you could love yourself better and more truthfully in the end? In my personal opinion, it has.


References:


Bowman, R. M. (2012). What Mormons believe. IVP Books.

Hinckley, Gordon B. (1995) Church News, 4.

Ormsbee, J. T. (2020). ‘like a cord snapping’: Toward a grounded theory of how devout Mormons leave the LDS Church. Critical Research on Religion, 8(3), 297–317. https://doi.org/10.1177/2050303220924096

Pérez, S., & Vallières, F. (2019). How do religious people become atheists? applying a grounded theory approach to propose a model of deconversion. Secularism and Nonreligion, 8. https://doi.org/10.5334/snr.108

Pew Research Center. (2015, May 12). Religious landscape study. Pew Research Center’s Religion & Public Life Project. https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/religious-landscape-study/state/utah/

Pew Research Center. (2022, September 13). Modeling the future of religion in America. Pew Research Center’s Religion & Public Life Project. https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2022/09/13/modeling-the-future-of-religion-in-america/

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[Paper written for SOC 3400 class UVU Spring 2024]

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