I read a very interesting and intriguing book about women in Russia during the 19th century and how things changed for them when it came to marriage over the course of 100 years. The book is filled with stories of women forced into loveless marriages, not being able to get out of the marriages even when they were abused. I myself am a divorced woman who endured a 20 year long emotionally abusive marriage I thought I was stuck in and unable to get out of for fear of mine and my children’s future. I could relate very well to the many stories I read in the book. At times it was difficult to read as I saw many similarities in my life and of those women in Russia. The determination and strong will of the women in the book helped me realize that I also survived a horrible marriage and am stronger now because of it. Those women made me realize that I was not alone in my trials and that there are many others out there suffering in silence as well. It also gave me a greater appreciation of the rights I have as a woman living in the United States today. It makes me proud to learn about the women who came before me and fought for the many rights I do now enjoy, but sad to think that others are still living without those basic rights.
Russian family law states that a husband “love his wife as his own body, live in accord with her, respect and defend her, and forgive her weaknesses and ease her infirmities.” (Phillips, Roderick) A husband in Russia also controls his wife completely and she needs his permission to get a job, go to school, or even to get a passport. A passport was necessary to travel even a short distance away from your home. Life in Russia for a woman in the 19th century was definitely not equal to one of a man and was in need of a major overhaul. Between 1861 and 1874 there was a great reformation in Russia that changed a lot of the old way of thinking. Women were given more rights slowly and life became slightly easier for them, but the control a husband had over his wife was not completely abolished at that time. Because of the great reformation that was going on, women figured out that they were not treated equally and so more and more women decided to stand up for themselves. Towards the end of the 19th-century modernization had infiltrated Russia and women started seeing themselves more as equals as they tried to define their role in society. Women wanted more than what their mothers and grandmothers had tolerated, they wanted personal choices, romantic love, education, and so much more. They abandoned their traditions and embraced western cultures, clothing, and leisure activities. They started reading books, watching plays, and listening to songs about love, and what it was supposed to look and feel like. They realized that their lives had not been fulfilling so far and they started to ask for equality. In order for us to see how things changed, we need to know how things were before the great reformation.Most marriages in Russia were forced on young girls barely old enough to get married. They were pre-arranged by family members and usually to men much older. “Although the law forbade marriage by coercion, declaring it illegal to perform a marriage by force without the consent of the betrothed couple, arranged marriages remained the norm for just about everyone except nobles and educated elite.” (Engel, page 49) Love or attraction was not part of the equation back then as they did not believe it to be essential for marriage. Women were married off mainly for economic reasons. Marriage was regarded as holy and necessary. Two families would be joined together and that would increase social standings, pool resources, or make business connections. Matchmakers were used a lot to make perfect matches that would benefit both families equally. The age women got married in Russia was a lot lower than most of Europe in the 19th century. Women made no contributions to their family and so parents were eager to have them get married so the family could benefit. If you were not married by age 25, you were at risk of becoming an old maid. Merchants thought of marriage as a business transaction and so unmarried merchants around age 30 would usually marry someone who was in their early 20’s. Women were mainly treated as slaves back then and men mistreated them a lot of the time. The woman’s family would need to pay a dowry when they married off their daughter to make sure she was taken care of. The purpose of a dowry was to help the new couple settle in quickly without worry about money. Usually, the woman would invest the money so that she would have it in case of her husband’s death or if she were to get divorced. In Russia however, the new husband would quickly take charge of the dowry and usually squander it.
Domestic violence was really widespread in the lower classes in Russia. “Peasants believed women were prone to excessive behavior, and thus force was necessary to control them.” (Engel, page 102) Women were not allowed to leave and do whatever they wanted. Once they got married their passport was confiscated and their name was placed on their husbands passport instead. If they ever wanted to leave they needed to get permission from their husband to receive a temporary passport for travel. Without this passport the husband could instruct the police to have his wife brought back to him if she ever left, and they did just that, even forcefully if necessary. It wasn’t until 1871 when wife battering finally became a punishable offense. In 1888 the state senate limited the husbands authority over his wife even more, but they still did not give in on the passport issue.
Divorce was taboo in Russia in the 19th century as well. The Russian Orthodox religion was so powerful and did not allow divorce except for extreme cases. The church pretty much superseded law back then. It was easier and cheaper to separate without getting divorced, but only if your husband allowed you to have a passport. Most denied this and women were stuck in an abusive loveless marriage and there was nothing they could do about it. You could appeal to the chancellery and petition for divorce but this was a long process that usually would not end in your favor. The chancellery was an organization that worked for the Tzar. This organization would have investigators that would look at claims that came to the government and they would sort them out. After the great reformation, between 1884 and 1914, over 40,000 women petitioned for separation and their own passports. A lot of men were not faithful back then, and so women would claim that as their justification for wanting to leave. Since the rights were more in favor of the men, they just needed to produce a witness claiming they were innocent and the chancellery would deny the women’s request.
With the emancipation of the serfs in 1861, women were finally starting to see a light at the end of a very dark long tunnel. Jobs were available for women outside of the home and they could see a future for themselves without being tied down in a marriage. “Feminists and socialists shared the belief that paid labor was the key to women’s emancipation.” (Engel, page 146) Divorce or separation became a civil process and no longer a church process. During the 1860’s and 1870’s the senate started to rule more in favor of the mother when it came to child support which also gave women hope of being able to separate from an abusive husband and still be able to keep their children. The senate finally started to see that they needed to do what was best for the child instead of granting the husband custody every time. Women were winning small battles and were slowly becoming more equal.
Finally on March 12th 1914 the law was changed that ended the role of the chancellery when it came to resolving marital disputes as women were granted their own passports. They could now obtain a passport without their husbands permission and thus separate or divorce to live a better life alone.
Russia still has a long way to go to catch up with the rest of the world when it comes to women’s rights. They are not alone though as there are plenty of other countries where women have even fewer rights than in Russia. Reading the personal accounts in the book of women who lived miserable lives because they were not allowed to make their own decisions was heartbreaking. Knowing that other people can have power over you so that you are completely under their control is sad to read about. I was happy to see small changes along the way that slowly gave women more freedoms. Everyone should be entitled to the same alienable rights we have as citizens of the United States. The freedom of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Notes:
Engel, Barbara Alpern, Breaking the Ties That Bound: The Politics of Marital Strife in Late Imperial Russia (Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press, 2011)
Phillips Roderick, Putting asunder: A history of divorce in western societies (New York: Cambridge University Press, 1988)
Amy Brouwer . 2024 . All Right Reserved
